Something Secret
by vague-as-fog
Summary: He said her name like a secret, only meant for their ears.


_I hate the way you say my name, like it's something secret._

At first, he had referred to her as Evans. Just plain old Evans. There was nothing important about her name, and nothing important about her, she was just another face in the crowd. It was good like that, Lily had enjoyed the peace and the quiet, the aloneness and never feeling lonely. She wasn't that social, she never knew what to say around people, or when to say them. Awkwardness followed her where ever she went like a lost puppy.

At the beginning of her Hogwarts schooling, when she was eleven, boys and girls still had cooties, the things out of sight were out of mind and nothing but friends mattered. But gradually, things changed.

In third year, their thirteenth birthdays rolled around, and slowly transformed every child into a teenager. Hormones raged, and Hogsmeade was open to the newly stated teens. The thought of a date rose to mind in many of their minds.

That's when it started.

As usual, James Potter called her Evans, but this time, it was with a keen familiarity. He knew her better and he thought of her differently. Her name rolled off of his tongue like a joke, that's why, when he asked her out for the first time ever, she said no. Lily was one to be taken seriously, not to be jested with, or laughed at. Not unless you wanted to keep all four limbs intact, and in proper working order.

The refusal made James slightly angry, but he took it lightly, he was James Potter. And he too, was to be taken seriously. So he persisted, teasingly at first, then more serious. Other girls said yes to him immediately, they knew who he was, and how powerful his family was. He was the last in the Potter line. No one else to inherit the family fortune. That alone was fuel for much of the female population.

But for the others, it was his looks. James knew he was handsome, everyone knew it. Hell, even Lily admitted he was rather good looking. The windswept look about him, the way his clothing draped over his body. His nose was long, cheekbones high and sharp. There was an air of importance surrounding him, not egotistically so, but businessman-like. He was proud, loyal, and all the things one looked for in a friend.

Somehow, it wasn't enough for Lily.

He continued to propose visits to Hogsmeade to her, wanting so bad to go with her. Maybe because she was pretty, or maybe because she was unattainable. She managed to evade every single one of his offers, it infuriated him to no end, but slowly, it made him realize what a catch she would be. When he got her, that is.

Until one day, the ask never came, and Lily could rightfully say it was that day she fell in love with him, and he with her. They both realized at the same moment that their fight was hopeless, but they never expressed these feelings towards each other in ways they could understand.

James changed, slowly and excruciatingly. He went from bad boy to goody-two-shoes, still looking the same, and keeping the same friends. It was painful for Lily to watch, it was good, that he changed, but he wasn't truly happy. Not around her anyway.

His smiles change from lopsided and toothy, to sweet and innocent. The sparkle in his dark brown eyes dimmed. He walked more seriously now, tense instead of relaxed, moving through the air instead of the air moving through him. Lily had no idea why she missed his bad-boy persona, but the good James, the serious James, was disappointing.

The only good change he made, was the way her name spilled out of his mouth. It was delicate and pretty coming from his serene voice, making it sound like a blessing, a prayer. No one else could make it sound quite the same to either of them. James liked to feel the way his mouth tickled and buzzed when he called out to her.

"Lily," he would yell across a hall, still serious James but a little smile on his face. It was a spell, a charm to make him feel immense happiness. There was no better feeling than seeing her turn to the call of her name, her red hair swinging over a shoulder and her hips turning and sticking out to the side.

She no longer greeted him with her trade mark 'Potter glare' either. It was a smile, not big enough to reveal teeth, but so big it filled James with air and joy.

Until one day, she confronted him. The hall was empty and it was late, they were meant to be on their respective patrols, but sometimes they accidentally over lapped. They would walk together for sometime, before splitting off again with smiles on their faces.

This night was different though. Lily had been at one end of the corridor, James at the other. Naturally, he had called out to her, softly as not to disturb anyone. The silence of the castle was a whispering line and it carried her name to her. He was smiling when she turned around, the light from her wand held out in front of her so she glowed like an angel. Her auburn hair looked pretty in that light, and Lily's emerald eyes danced. She too smiled, grinning like a fool.

By then she had completely acknowledged that yes, she was in love with him, and no, he most probably did not feel the same way anymore. Lily surrendered herself to the feeling of her heart fluttering and all sensible and coherent thought flying out her ears. Just for the moment though.

Lily stopped and let him catch up, James doubled his pace, eager to get to her. Eager to hear her voice.

Only, this time, there was something unusual about the way she looked at him. James saw it in her eyes, written across every line of her face, and the way she held herself. He didn't know what it was, but it filled him with hope. He reached her and opened his mouth to say something.

Lily smiled up at him wider, and James choked on his words. An awkward boy and a confident girl. _When had our roles swapped?_ He wondered as she moved closer to him. It was cold and he supposed all she was lacking the warmth he always seemed to have. Never did he predict what would happen next.

She never stopped moving towards James, and he never tried backing away. Lily didn't seem to know what she was doing, her proper self sat above them, watching and panicking. This was a disaster, but then James lost himself too. Their lit wands clattered to the floor and their hands found places on each other bodies.

In moments they were almost flush against each other as he pressed his mouth against hers, kissing her heatedly and hungrily. As his lips slid against hers, a hand pressed against her back, pushing and pulling her closer. Lily brought her hands up to his hair, lacing her fingers around it and tugging lightly.

When he pulled away, Lily couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. She liked kissing him, and she would quite happily go on kissing him for the rest of eternity. But all he did was take a breath and move her backwards so she was sandwiched between the wall and his body. The few seconds of peace ended quite suddenly when he leaned down to kiss her again.

James pinned her against the cold stone with hands on the front of her hips, his thumbs rubbing circles into her stomach. His lips were so warm on hers, and in that moment, Lily could think of nothing more amazing than the feel of him pressed against every inch of her.

They broke away again, breathing heavy and eyes glazed over. James rested his forehead against hers, with her hands still buried in his hair. "Oh Lily," he whispered, and this time, it was in an entirely different voice. He had breathed her name as if it were a secret that he was desperate not to let the world hear.

Any other time, she would've found the breathy tone infuriating, because she was a direct person and preferred to be forward rather than beating around the bush. Her name was evasive like this, hushed and avoiding her ears. But while she was still high from his kisses and his touch, she loved it and would never stop loving it.

"Oh James," Lily said in the exact same tone as he had and then let loose a giggle.


End file.
